When you see this blog you may think “Here we go again”, because it is about depression you may think he’s a miserable b****r. I can assure you that I am not, and I hope my friends will testify to this.
Black Sparks is about an episode of depression I went through just over two weeks ago. I am posting it with the hope that it will help those of you who have friends or relatives with depression, to understand what they have to go through, and for those of you who have had no contact with depression, I am trying to give you an insight into what a person with depression has to endure.
Black sparks of doubt, bolts of fear, race through my brain
Intangible, implausible, indisputable, incessant
Throughout the sleepless night, bullying and frightening
Darkness’s comfort, giving way to daylight’s harsh reality
Daylight, time to achieve ambitions with passion and determination?
For some perhaps, but not me
Achievement, ambition, passion, non-existent in my world
My world of conscious loneliness, unconscious isolation
Reality, reason and conviction stifled, in an all-consuming pall
A pall of despair, dejection and melancholy
Despair and melancholy, desperate dreams of escape
My essence bars me from realising such unspeakable dreams
Dreams of permanent darkness, permanent silence
Dreams of ending it all
These are the dreams I cannot realise
There is hope; perhaps I can dispel this pall of doubt, fear and despair
20th August 2010